Published June 30, 2009
The Inner Ones
It began at the pub. I’d been drinking my beer whilst watching football. I heard the door open and turned to see if was my mate Larry; he was late. To my disappointment in walked a bloke. He was wearing a tatty shirt with red stains, torn jeans and scuffed up trainers, all of which were several sizes too big for him. He had a stiff black beard and it looked as though he was wearing a bird’s nest as a hat. He staggered up next to me; his lip was bleeding. The man sniffed the air and shivered and he turned to face me. His vicious eyes glared at me and his mouth broke away into a grin. He had rigged sharp, yellow teeth.
“Bottle of vodka,” he growled to the barman without ever looking away from me. The barman quickly grabbed one and gave it to the bloke; he was obviously scared. The man drained it in seconds as though it was water. “Another one, now,” growled the man. The barman quickly got it. The man was still glaring at me.
Uncomfortable, I walked over to the one of the sofas and slouched down with my beer. The man was still staring at me whilst draining his fourth bottle. I felt uncomfortable; I pulled out my mobile and dialled Larry. I got his voice mail but didn’t leave a message. Pocketing my phone, I looked back up at the man. He was still glaring. This was not good. Larry disappearing at the same time as that weird man appearing was a bad sign.
I finished off my beer before hastily leaving the pub. I quickly walked away towards the woods on my way home. I looked back. The man was following me, he looked enraged. I walked faster.
A short time later I looked back. He was running towards me. I ran. I leapt through the trees hearing him roar. I looked back he was no longer in sight. I saw in the distance a clearing. I charged towards it. Seconds later I exited into it and paused. I sniffed the air and listened carefully. He was here, I hadn’t lost him. The time I’d been dreading had come. I’d been found out. “What do you want?” I demanded loudly.
He emerged from the bushes opposite me with a look of despise upon his face. He wore an insulted expression. He looked about before growling and tensing “You are one us! Do not deny it.” He barked furiously.
Swearing in my mind I knew it was going to take everything I had to escape with my life “I’m a what?” I shouted, worried.
The man howled in rage. “You’re a werewolf!” he roared.
I smirked as both his anger and hair began to grow. “Oh shut up you drunk... werewolves’ are a load of bull” I taunted, as I strode boldly towards him.
He howled and began to pant in fury. He knew as well as I did that if he lost complete control of his anger, his inner wolf would take over and that lead to death. “I can smell it in your blood.” He panted as his eyes slowly turned red.
I laughed in his face. “I’m no werewolf... but even if I was what would you do about it? You’re just a worthless drunken weakling.” I threatened
Now he could barely control himself, he was shaking all over. His hair growing and his eyes blood red. “You’re a werewolf and your either gonna join us or die like Larry.” He roared.
I lingered on those words. My suspicions were correct. Larry, my half brother, was dead. Hiding my true emotions, I smirked again at the man. “Guess your gonna have to kill me then.” I laughed.
Suddenly he howled and threw himself toward me. Like lightning I flipped backwards smashing my foot into his face. He roared in pain as he fell to the floor. I landed meters away yet quickly I backed away.
Before me he was clambering up. His eyes glowed red. I watched in fear as his jaw grew larger, yet not large enough to hold his new teeth. They were the like hunting knives only shaper yellow and stained red. The rest of his body began to bulk out. As his spine forced him hunch back and his legs grew hugely muscular. I urged to flee but I knew he would catch me and if I attacked him now he would merely heal. I realized that his clothes now fitted him tightly and something such as hair burst of all the rips. He didn’t look much like a wolf. He looked more like an incredible hairy badly disfigured human.
“Now you die” he barked. Only it was no longer the human speaking. His wolf had taken over.
I smiled now I had a chance. Unlike the human the wolf was dumb and easily to trick. I backed away as it advanced toward me. It was grinning as six inch claws shot out of its finger tips and through the holes in his shoes. I quickly glanced over my shoulder in second I would be trapped against the trees, as good as dead. Suddenly it swung his claws at my head. I ducked and smashed my fist into its stomach. It was as hard as rock.
It’s no good; I’m to weak to take it, even if it is stupid. Still I can’t trust my inner wolf. Especially after last time. I glanced back again. I didn’t have long before being trapped. Quickly I swung my fist at his head he blocked it which gave me the vital distraction I needed. Powerfully I swung my foot into its groin. It let out a small groan but not much.
I swore as suddenly it smashed its fist in my stomach. It sent me flying into the tree behind. I fell but landed on one of the branches. Below me was the beast, I was out of reach. After a few minutes I recovered from the punch and sat up on the branch. I looked at the beast. It was dribbling blood. I guess I’ve only one option then. My arms began to become hairy and bulk out with muscle. Claws grew out of my fingers as my teeth grew and sharpened. I smiled as my legs grew bigger and stronger. I smiled even more. I’d controlled my fathers wolf. Now for mothers vampire. My canines grew into fangs and my muscles grew even stronger. I looked down at the werewolf. It stood there. It looked scared. I could see its blood flowing. I could smell its fear.
Clicking I vanished from the tree. Re-appearing behind the creature I smirked. It spun around in shock. Grinning, I it punched over onto the floor. Using it powerful legs it leapt at me swinging for my head, its claws. I locked my claws against them before trusting my other ones into its stomach. It howled as I kicked it in the head knocking it over to the floor again. My claws had ripped its stomach open. It was pouring with blood. Unbearably, salty, rich, luxurious, blood. I dropped to my knees and stabbed my claws onto its neck killing it in an instance. My head dropped into its stomach as I gulped away its blood. Eating its insides.
This isn’t human; it’s the life of vampires and werewolves. I try to pull away but I just can’t. I lost to them they’ve taken over. I’m dead.
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Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Hmm so this one was pretty interesting. The title certainly fits the story scarily well and it showcases some pretty gruesome imagery in there. The overall flow of this piece is also pretty god barring one paragraph that I will mention below. The characters also felt pretty realistic.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well that's quite the beginning although that first line is really cliched at this point. However what needs to happen does happen so I'm not going to be complaining at all. Regardless of that what we now have here is some pretty neat description to be starting things off with.
I'm sorry but that has to be like physically impossible to actually pull off. Vodka is just not something you can drink like water for a very, very good reason but then you do get a very good point across with that statement so I shall allow it to slide.
Repeating the word uncomfortable there is not a great idea.
A lot of sudden very short sentences there starting with I makes it a little jarring to read. You might want to invest in a few conjunctions there.
Bad choice of words.
That's a decent description that you've got there.
Very smart choice of spots to attack.
Well you can definitely understand why he would be too afraid to lead with this move.
Definitely not a very heartening message to be hearing at the end of a story.
Aaaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall this was a pretty fun story to start things although the ending was far from being fun. That was the opposite of fun but I think that is what you intended so you did your job well. And beyond that you have also done some really good things with you choices of images and there appears to be a proper backstory and worldbuilding integrated into this without unnecessary info dumps so overall its a really nice piece of writing.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Era squisito!